Putting the ASS in SASS
Where productivity goes to die and procrastination thrives
We believe that the internet needs more absolutely useless tools that serve no practical purpose whatsoever. Why solve real problems when you can create beautifully crafted solutions to problems that don't exist? Our tools are meticulously designed to waste your time in the most entertaining way possible.
Ever wondered how many times you've clicked a button? Or how depressed your mouse is feeling? This groundbreaking tool tracks your clicks and monitors your mouse's emotional wellbeing. Watch in horror as your mouse descends into madness with every click!
Traumatize Your MouseGenerates completely made-up gossip about your room temperature. "Your thermostat is having an affair with the humidity sensor!" Finally, the drama your HVAC system deserves.
Spread Climate RumorsMeticulously plan when you'll procrastinate! Schedule your avoidance with precision. "I'll procrastinate from 2:30 to 4:45 PM, then panic from 4:45 to 5:00 PM." Procrastination has never been this organized!
Schedule Your LazinessCan't decide what to have for lunch? Let our advanced algorithm choose your entire life for you! Makes completely random decisions with unwavering confidence. "The universe has decided you should become a professional yodeler."
Abdicate ResponsibilityMeasure the distance between any two pixels on your screen and get relationship advice for them. "These pixels are growing apart. Have they tried couples therapy?" Finally, professional help for your display's emotional needs.
Counsel Your PixelsUpload any song and our AI will tell you how it would feel as elevator music. "This death metal track would make elevators feel very conflicted about their life choices." The therapy your elevator never knew it needed.
Psychoanalyze Elevators